


In This Little Home of Ours

by The_Lonely_Jupiter



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Clay | Dream Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dre dead asf, Grayson | Purpled-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Multi, Multiple Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), No Smut, No shipping real ppl, Purpled and Dream are brothers your honor, friendship cuddles :D, my first work :D, swearing!, that shi nasty, this happens during the exile arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lonely_Jupiter/pseuds/The_Lonely_Jupiter
Summary: The man couldn't deal with what he had done... he built up a wall, a mask, hiding his true emotions. But that mask could only take so much before it broke...(this is my first work on ao3 :D)SERIOUS TW: suicide, Sensory Disorder, Panic attacks, vomiting, (involuntary self harm???) if there are any more TWs please let me know!!!
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream & Grayson | Purpled (Video Blogging RPF), Grayson | Purpled & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 10
Kudos: 147





	1. Reflecting... why does it hurt my soul?

There were many things that he does regret in his life … Many, many things.

Although he never tried to fight the harsh thoughts, he simply just tried to ignore them, they still took a toll on him. A large toll…

Husband, Little brother, two other kids that he gave a home ( ~~that he ultimately ripped away~~ ), his (ex)best friends, his home.

But what could he say? He isn’t perfect, in fact he was –and still is– very far from it.

He was greedy, hurtful, tyrannical, and so much more… these are the things he reflects on.

He reflects on them while he watches his husband lay in the middle of a field full of soft grass, the sun making his hair gleam, laughing as the cool winds tickle the bottom of his feet… a smile that has fake written all over it.

He reflects on them whenever he sees his little brother, usually vibrant eyes holding tremendous amounts of loneliness, words on the tip of his tongue, never once to be spoken, even though he, involuntarily, hides himself from the world, forgotten. Lost in the space that was his own mind. Suffering behind closed doors with the long-known-about disorder that traps him inside his own skin, feeling all too much but too little at the same time. Scars embedded into his arms, not by a blade but by his own nails, an itch that the teen was seemingly never able to reach, no matter how much skin he picked away.

He reflects on them whenever he watches one that he forced to be alone, exiled from his own home. Once vibrant eyes turning dull, clothes raggedy and hanging off his small frame, eyes screaming suicide when being left alone. Being unable to see his once-loved home. How he was all too alone, trembling on the edge of insanity, the small bit of hope being the only thing he has left.

He reflected on them whenever he saw the young president of a country stumbling around trying to find anything to distract himself from the worry of his best friend, his other half. He often saw him with a boy the colors of ying and yang who was always trying to help out the president, or cheer him up, though sometimes he found himself wandering around, eyes full of confusion as he tried to remember where he was.

He reflected on them whenever the new crowned king glided past him, not a word spoken between them, only unreturned glances, and small nods of agreement with other’s words. His husband feeling the tension but choosing to hold his tongue. Although the crowned brunette had many emotions swarming his head, yearning to break free and tear down the other.

He reflected on them when his other best friend emptied his lungs, heart, and mind to him, screaming, crying, emotions that were loaded on his shoulders all came crashing down. The feeling of years and years of friendship was ripped from his grasp. While the one-sided screaming match went on, all the other could do was sit there… there was no excuse for his actions. The man bearing the white bandana, the one that now held scorch marks and blood stains, had expressed about how the elder hadn’t cared, how he only cared about little spheres that play music more than his two best friends. He screamed until his throat was raw and he felt light-headed, until two others – the two had also been some of his best friends – had to drag him away, leaving him sitting there alone to… reflect.

< … >

He sat. Silent and still. Looking out over the horizon. He knew it was his fault… all of it… every single thing… his only question was…

“ **Why**?”

He held the object in his hands, it had a familiar weight, size, everything, and it fit in his hands perfectly.

‘ **Why was it so different this time**?’

‘ **Why was he feeling this?** ’

After years of built up feelings hid behind massive walls 20 miles thick, _why_ was he feeling every single one of them now?

Some questions can never be answered…

He slowly picked up the object. Bringing it to where it rested just above his abdomen. A tear slipped down his face.

_‘He really was the parasite, huh?’_

_‘It wasn’t Tommy, it wasn’t Tubbo, it wasn’t anyone… **but himself.** ’ _

A muffled shout was heard in the far-off distance, He slowly started to press the object into himself, ignoring whoever was trying to get to him.

Another few seconds and he could feel the slight buzz of numbed pain in his chest Shaky hands pushed the object in deeper, a slight pinch of pain made the man in the middle of a meadow pause

Another shout, this one was accompanied by a few other yells of distress. He felt completely numb to emotions, pain, even the cries of the others didn’t stop him from completely plunging the sharp, gleaming object into himself further.

Eventually the shouts turned into screams as he pushed the blade all the way through his body. Multiple pairs of heavy footsteps came up behind him. He didn’t even turn around to look who was there.

Someone… no, Fundy, his beloved husband, ran in front of him, eyes full of tears as he started to yell at the man sitting still in the meadow with his blade going right through his chest. It was only then did he hear the cries of his lover. As more people crowded behind Fundy, the sound of his voice entered his ears, making way for his brain to comprehend.

“No, please! Why did you do this?! Please answer me! –“ “Someone go get some potions!” another person in the back yelled, he was unable to tell who it was. “Babe please, why?!” his husband yelled, hands on the side of his face.

He could feel the warmth leaving his body.

“Dream?! Don’t you dare fall asleep you- you, asshole! You’re an absolute m-moron!” he said, hiccupping. Dream let out a small laugh, and Fundy’s head perked up “W-why are you laughing?!” he asked in disbelief

“Because, you c- are about me to- o much.” he smiled sadly, struggling to breathe. Fundy watched in horror as the light behind his husband’s eyes started to burn out.

“It’s too l- ate for me, bes- besides, I wanted this” he smiled as blood started to drip out of his mouth and he broke into a small coughing fit

“No, no, no, no, please I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me!” the other male called out.

“T-take care of-” another cough “my b-brother for- for me” he choked out

“Don’t – don’t start talking like that- please you’re going to make it, and, and we’ll be happy and, and we’re going to grow old a- and” Fundy broke down but paused when Dream pressed his hand to his cheek

“It’s okay…” the dirty blonde paused and smiled

“I love you.”

Those were his last words as he drifted off to eternal sleep, his hand falling from his husband’s face. Fundy sat next to his dead husband, head resting in the crook of his neck as he cried, sobs erupting from his throat. Everyone grew silent. The only noise being the people who were crying quietly and the loud sobbing from the heartbroken husband.

Then, stepping forward, was the boy everyone seemingly forgot about, slowly pushing past people, terrified purple gaze fixated on his, now dead, older brother.

Everyone who was nudged out of the way watched the boy with horrified eyes.

Only now did people remember how much Dream cared for the teen. He finally got to the front of the pack and almost collapsed at the sight. A gut-wrenching scream ripped itself from the depths of his lungs, tearing away from the cage of his esophagus. Exactly how he wanted to rip himself out of his own body… it was all too much. The boy fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. “No!” He screamed, he repeated it over and over and over, screaming until his throat physically couldn’t take it, his eyes stung, his throat burned, and his body shook.

If anyone asked what everyone thought as they looked at the look on the boy’s face, they would all say one word: “Heart-wrenching”

He had built a dam of emotions. But once there is too much emotions for those walls to withstand … It. Breaks And let me tell you. It didn’t break slowly, no, no, no. It broke suddenly and it hit hard.

Everyone that stood there felt useless, heartbroken, guilt, and there was even some confusion in the mix. But once the boy had let out his scream, everyone started to cry out loud not even trying to hold back their sobs.

Sapnap and George hung onto each other, crying heavily, heavy gasps of air and pleads escaping both of them, it absolutely broke them to watch the life drain out of their best friend’s eyes. They never even got to say goodbye.

Punz stood by Karl and Quackity, Karl clung onto Punz’s hoodie crying loudly, Quackity held a look of pure shock, tears streamed down his face as he looked at the dead man who lay victim to his own blade. Punz was almost in the same position as Quackity but he was staring down at the ground, unable to look at his dead best friend’s face.

Ponk stood behind the young teen adorned in purple that was still sitting on the ground, Callahan was holding the standing adult’s arm, gripping onto it with shaky hands and his mask was askew. Ponk was frozen, not knowing whether to help the poor teen on the ground, to run, or to scream. Instead he just stood still and cried.

The scream was heard from miles away in New L’Manberg. At that moment, a father who wore a green and white hat, a father who had lost so much, dropped the chest plate he was holding, the piece of armor clattered to the ground. The kind of scream he knew all too well. The kind of scream that makes your stomach turn and your eyes water, his hand clasped over his mouth as he curled into himself. A scream that held so much pain, hurt, and loss, could only be that of losing a loved one. Phil knew this kind of scream all too well.

The new president, the one who had also lost a lot in his life had heard the scream as well, his pale blue eyes met two discolored ones. The other boy with the president had almost felt the need to cover his ears… he had heard a scream like this before… his sister…explosions… something like that, he couldn’t remember but he did know that the scream held true power unlike any other, the enderman hybrid looked down at the other teen, they nodded and started making their way towards the meadow.

An echo of the scream even managed to travel across the world, stopping the two people in their tracks. The youngest teen froze. A frightened look overcoming his features. His older brother looked at him in confusion, as he chose to ignore the scream, or he just didn’t hear it. The lonely teen shook his head, making an important decision, that could potentially cost his life…The man that could potentially be waiting to kill him on the other side of the portal… little did he know no one would ever try to take that role ever again. The other translucent figure was just trying to make sense of it all.

Somewhere, far away from civilization… the scream was heard by a man wearing a blood-stained pig mask, his head whipping towards the direction of the traumatizing scream, after running back inside and grabbing some armor and his trident, he ran to the edge of the ocean, salty water trying to grab at his boots. He then, without hesitation, pulled out a newly made boat and stood in the water, pulled it back then propelled himself through the water. Flashbacks to his father’s deathly scream ran through his head as he tried to get to the other land mass as fast as he could.

Soon enough everyone arrived at the scene of the suicide, Phil held onto Tommy and Tubbo, the former looking on in shock and the other sobbing, whilst Techno stood behind them, staring at the body of his friend. The ghost of Wilbur stood next to Phil, not knowing what to do, and his ‘blue’ wasn’t helping him this time as he stared at his son holing his dead husband. Ranboo stood to the side, arms wrapped around his sister who had tear streaks running down her cheeks. The hybrid, though, refused to cry, the tears in his eyes threatening to burn his skin.

A new group of people then arrived. A voidling, a male embedded with diamonds, a Siamese cat, and a male who seemed to be dressed in a blocky green camouflage. The group of people froze when they saw the sight of one of their best friend’s dead body being held by his crying husband.

The voidling adorned in a black in red cloak, clung to Skeppy, and started crying hard. The latter held the other’s waist, pulling him in close as a horrified expression made itself present on his face, his eyebrows furrowed.

Ant took a step back not wanting to go any closer to the scene as a terrified cry pushed itself out of his mouth.

Sam stood in front of Ant and he brought his hands to his mouth, holding in his sobs as he falls to his knees.

Fundy looked up from his deceased husband and turned toward the boy who laid, hunched over on the ground, curling into himself as he cried.

“P-P-urple-d” he choked out, barely managing to say the sentence without breaking into another fit of sobs.

The boy looked up slowly, tears still tearing away from his eyes. Fundy motioned for him to come closer to the fox hybrid. Purpled obliged after a few moments, slowly moving to sit up and crawl his way over to his brother’s husband. As soon as he was within reach, Fundy took his hands and pulled them into his lap then bringing him into a warm embrace, something the teen hasn’t felt in a _while_.

The boy broke into a whole new fit of cries and sobs, even though his throat burned.

Everyone in the meadow had made a silent agreement to leave the two be, but Bad, Skeppy, and Phil stayed. Opting to clean up the mess and make sure the two get home safe.

Eventually Fundy had sat back, the young teen following the motion. He ran a hand through the boy’s sandy blonde hair, a small smile on his face.

“I’m so sorry…” the elder spoke. The other only stared at him, tired and dull violet eyes seemingly stared into the other’s soul before glancing toward his brother’s body. He nodded slowly, bringing his eyes back up to meet Fundy’s.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, he just closed his eyes again and shook his head, another round of tears flowing down his face. Fundy placed his hands on both sides of the boy’s face, bringing it to his own, connecting their foreheads, the elder wiping the younger’s tears.

“I know… you don’t have to say anything…” he whispered quietly to the teen.

They sat like this for a while before they heard footsteps walk up to them. Fundy looked up to be met with sky blue eyes, the eyes of the person who killed his father, Purpled’s head still hung low, exhausted from all the screaming and crying.

“It’s going to be dark soon… we should probably head home.” The oldest spoke. Fundy turned his attention to his dead husband, lying on the soft grass with a content smile on his face, he looked so _at peace_ … ‘ _Is this what he wanted all along?_ ’

“Yeah… good idea” he whispered, barely audible to the eldest of the trio.

They both looked towards the young teen, he looked up slowly at the two, then back to his brother, he nodded his head, still unable to speak. Phil let a sad smile fall over his features, he crouched down to the boy’s level

“Is it okay if I help you up?” the eldest asked. Purpled turned his gaze to the man, eyes with heavy bags under them, he nodded holding his arms out to the elder.

Phil picked the boy up by the arm, the teen then slumping into his chest, his legs trembling. Phil picked him up, resting the young boy’s head on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you…” he whispered as he started to walk back to New L’Manberg, his grandson in tow.

Leaving Skeppy and Bad to take care of Dream’s body.

< … >

Phil stepped into one of the new houses that were just built in the newly rebuilt country. A queen-sized bed laid in one of the rooms. Purpled had fallen asleep in his arms, the frail boy weighing much less than a normal 17-year-old should. Fundy pulled back the covers of the bed and Phil rested the boys head on the pillow, then the rest of his body down onto the mattress. Fundy then climbed into the bed next to the boy, pulling him close. Purpled started to cry again, tears forming at the edge of his eyes.

Phil could already tell that the boy had been touch-starved, he hadn’t seen him around much but the few times he did he could tell that he was lonely, just by the way he stiffened at the slight pats on his back that Ponk, his best friend, would give him, or the way he held back tears when Niki hugged him, thanking him after he helped her out in the bakery.

It was sad to say the least. But this boy is strong, Phil knew that.

He knew that even before Dream had told him, after –formally– welcoming him to the server and giving him a tour.

He knew Dream cared for the boy; he was his little brother after all.

Phil sighed looking at the two in the bed, Fundy whispering sweet nothings to the teen, and combing a hand through his hair. The eldest smiled sadly turning off the lights and stepping out of the room.

“Are they okay in there?” Phil’s head snapped up, startled.

The man sighed when he recognized who stood before him, “Oh, jeez Niki, you’re going to give me a heart attack” he let out a breathy laugh, Niki smiled sheepishly, “sorry about that” she whispered, “but uh- are, are they okay?” she asked again. Phil sent a small, sad smile her way as he spoke

“No, not right now, but time will tell, that goes for all of us, ya’ know?”

Niki’s eyes welled up with tears and she let out a light laugh, both of them knew that no more words needed to be shared, the message was clear,

‘Time will tell.’

< … >

Fundy took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of fresh cut cedar logs, he opened his eyes, finding that he was colder than usual. When his eyes focused, he sat up, finding that he was alone in the bed. He slowly removed the covers from his legs, swinging them over the side to stand, he paused when he saw a note sitting on the nightstand.

_“Hey Fundy, I am going back to my house, I kinda wanna spend some time alone right now. Feel free to visit me at any time. But I kinda wanna get my emotions in check before I start lashing out on people and everything, ya’ know?”_

Fundy sighed at the note, this kid really was alone, wasn’t he?

...

_“Yea, no, he’s never really been one for talking about his emotions, always secretive, but it’s just because he’s never really liked to talk to people, and people haven’t really been willing to listen to him”_

_“That’s horrible!?”_

_“Yea, I’m just glad that he knows I care about him and that he’s not totally alone”_

_“That is so nice of you”_

_“Meh, I guess it’s my job as an older brother, also speaking of my brother,”_

_“Hm?”_

_“He also has a Sensory Disorder,”_

_“Really? Oh my… he definitely has a lot going on up there then, huh?”_

_“Yea, no kidding, he has told me about whenever he has a sensory overload, it sucks, it’s like everything is so much brighter and so much louder than everything really is”_

_“That sounds awful”_

_“Tell me about it! It was difficult to deal with too, you always have to turn the lights off and sit by him, don’t touch him, but just whisper little things to him, sometimes it takes hours for it to stop.”_

_“I… will keep that in mind…”_

...

The male set the note back down, laying back in the bed again, sitting still, not moving nor thinking. He needed some time too…

< … >

It was a colder morning, clouds covered the sun, or maybe it was just that early in the morning… he didn’t know.

He took a step outside, breathing the chilly air, a cool breeze ruffled his chocolate brown hair.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, walking down the steps of his house.

The young boy walked through his country, deciding to himself that he was going to sit on the edge of the lake and think. Think about all the things that have happened lately.

He arrived at the lake and sat down in the soft grass that lay just out of reach to the lake’s wet grasp. He sighed loudly and laid back, despite it being so early in the morning, his head was swarming with thoughts.

“Why did Dream kill himself?”

“Why did he feel the need to do that?”

“Why did we all just think that he was a robot? Built without emotions, numb to all feelings?”

“Why… just why?” The boy sighed, bringing his hands to his face.

“Oh- uh- hey Tubbo…” The boy sat up, turning to the familiar voice.

“Hey… Tommy. What are- what are you doing out here this early?” the brunette questioned.

“I just thought I might come out here to clear my head…? But if you want to be out here al- “ He was cut off by a warm embrace.

Tears welled in his eyes as he returned the hug, hands shaking.

“I missed you so much…”

A choked sob was all it took and both boys let out all their emotions, crying hard and not holding back, both of their walls coming crashing down.

The two soulmates finally were back together.

< … >

As quiet as the world seemed at the moment, the new man that held a crown above his head knew that the world was as loud as ever… even if you couldn’t hear it directly. There was no way of telling exactly how his best friend felt in the moments before he decided to take his own life… some people may say that he was selfish, thinking only of himself. The other people would say that he was thinking of everyone else, deciding to rid himself from everyone’s world, trying to make others happy. Then there were some of the select few who simply didn’t understand, not caring about whether it was for himself or for everyone else, or even both.

Then again, there was, and still is, no way of telling how a dead man felt before he died…

And from the looks of it…

He didn’t want to tell.

The new king took off his crown, wiping off the shiny gold with the hem of his shirt before placing it back on his head, straightening out his clothes again for the fifth time that day, he felt uncomfortable sitting on his throne, feeling as if the fresh cut gold formed spikes whenever he sat on it.

A single tear slipped down his face as he stood out on the balcony connected to his room, he could almost see every piece of civilization from this spot. A sudden, short gust of wind had wiped the tear from his face.

And in his heart… he knew his best friend was still there, in the air, and in their hearts…

He breathed out a sigh, turning around to go back inside, shutting the two glass doors behind him. A sad smile on his face.

< … >

The older teen sat in his bed, back to the mattress looking up at his ceiling. For the first time in a while, his hair wasn’t tied in his signature bandana. He already had a pounding headache and couldn’t stand the extra pressure on his head.

Another laid in a different bed that sat mere inches away from the formers. The extra being in the house was drifting in and out of sleep, every time after closing his eyes for a few seconds, images of his deceased friends body flashed in front of his mind, almost like a projector that never turned off.

The boy with caramel colored hair that wore a multi-colored hoodie looked over to the raven-haired boy.

The latter feeling eyes on him, turned to lock eyes with light brown, glossy eyes, tears begging to spill over.

The man with deep, sapphire eyes scooted himself into the other bed, ignoring the gap between the two mattresses.

As soon as the ravenette got settled into the other boy’s bed, the caramel-haired boy maneuvered himself to be clung to the younger’s side. Tears spilled from both of their eyes, but neither of them moved to wipe them.

Sometimes it was good to cry.

Sometimes it was best to cry in front of the people you love.

Sometimes… sometimes you just need to know that you weren’t the only one suffering.

< … >

Sometimes you felt like half of a person.

He sat and thought to himself as his pale, blonde hair fell over his eyes.

He didn’t move to brush it away, another did that, but he barely even felt the gesture.

He felt numb, how else was he supposed to feel?

He has never dealt with a loss of this size before… That is the reason he sat on his bed, legs crossed and hands in his lap, looking at the sheets…

The exact reason why his friend – who cared for him like a brother – sat in front of him, feet hanging off the side of the bed, body facing the elder of the two.

The look on the blonde-haired man’s face held no emotions, but even then, the younger could tell that his mind was swimming with thoughts.

The black eyed male then made a solemn decision… he took the elder’s hands in his, holding them tight.

The blonde looked up at the black- haired male, face twisting into a sort of confused, but yet a face that was full of hurt. He looked so lost in the younger’s eyes.

“It’s okay, I’m here… let it all out…” A small sob left the blonde’s lips and then all of it came rushing out, in the form of rambling, loud sobs, and small gasps for air.

“It’s, it’s so fucking stupid! He’s so-so-so- so goddamn stupid!” the blonde cried out, more tears ripping themselves from his eyes.

The younger gave him a small smile, one that was full of pain and comfort as he combed one of his hands through the other’s hair as he cried, shouting out everything he felt.

Helping your friends is your job as a decent human being.

No matter what you’re going through, you should always have a friend there to help you.

And just like in all of the children’s books that were read to you as a child.

That is, truly, what friends are for.

< … >

She sat, head resting in the crook of her arms.

A soft ticking in the background, creating a continuous song, almost lulling her to sleep before the jingle of the bell above the door sounded, signaling someone had entered.

She sighed quietly before sitting her head up to see who had come into the bakery. Her eyes widened as a familiar body stepped into view. She stood up, rushing out from behind the counter and enclosing the person in a tight hug.

“Welcome back bro…” She said, her voice a bit muffled by the suit her brother was wearing.

“Hey sis, are you okay?” The younger asked, worried by the slight sadness in her voice.

She took a step back, letting go of the tall hybrid who, surprisingly, wasn’t wearing his mask over his mouth, letting it hang around his neck as he spoke.

“Yeah, just a bit tired after the whole… ordeal…” She said, letting a small half-smile make its way onto her face.

The half-enderman nodded, a small frown showing on his face.

“Well, I’m sorry… I wish I could help but I barely knew him…” he sighed, discolored eyes dragging themselves away from the smaller girl in front of him. He looked over to a picture frame that was sitting on the counter, it held all the original inhabitants of L’Manberg. The other in the room followed his gaze. She smiled when she saw what he was looking at. Tears started to form in her eyes as memories started to flow into her mind.

She remembered that on certain Sundays the two youngest would run out and have the time of their lives, playing around just like they used to before they were forced to act three times their age.

Before Dream would always threaten to hunt them down and kill them if they stepped outside the walls.

Before they lost their 3rd best friend, the other teen locking himself in a floating building in the sky… only coming down for food or to talk to Ponk for a bit about supplies.

The girl did remember one time when the younger boy came down, though.

...

_It was a warm evening and she had a busy day in the bakery – there was a lot more injuries lately so more food was needed – she was rushing around to every oven, taking bread out, flattening more dough, putting more bread in, all in a complicated rush of a schedule, the jingle of the bell sounded and she turned to see the young teen, she almost dropped everything at the condition he was in._

_His eyes held no emotion, they were somewhat red and tear streaks were covering his lightly freckled cheeks, under his eyes were dark purple bags, giving the information that he hasn’t slept in days, maybe a week._

_She set the fresh bread on the counter and rushed over to the boy, upon further inspection, she could now clearly see that his usually tight-fitting hoodie was now almost hanging off his skinny frame, looking as if it was almost too heavy for him to be wearing._

_She sat him down in a chair and started asking about his sleeping and eating habits, he just shrugged at most of them, saying that he wasn’t hungry, or he was too energetic to sleep, but he froze when she asked a certain question…_

_“Are you okay?”_

_there wasn’t an immediate response, but when he answered it was not what she was expecting,_

_“No… I want to die…”_

_He said it as if it were the simplest thing in the world._

_Niki knew it wasn’t simple, it was far from simple. She didn’t say anything… what could she say? This young boy who had always seemed so happy, always held a smile on his face, laugh seemingly lighting up the whole server, just told her that he wanted to die._

_Tears welled up in her eyes as she sat there looking at his empty, purple eyes that widened at her reaction._

_“W-wait! Don’t- don’t cry! Uhm, I wasn’t going to do it! I was just saying—” he was cut off by the girl_

_“Promise you won’t!” She yelled at him “Promise… you won’t kill yourself…” she cried, whispering quietly to the boy “Promise…” she put her hands on his shoulders, gripping them hard._

_“I-I promise…” he breathed out, shocked at the baker’s sudden outbreak. She sat back down, wiping her tears,_

_“Take off your hoodie.” She demanded quietly,_

_“I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself…” she said as he looked at her, terrified of another being seeing how bad of a condition his health was in._

_He hesitated before slowly slipping off the hoodie. Niki gasped quietly. He was all skin and bones, she was able to count every rib of his, she clasped a hand over her mouth as she saw all of the scars littering his arms and a bit of his chest, some old and some fresh. He bit his lip as he stared at the ground, unable to meet her eyes,_

_“I- The- the scars are from my-my nails… n-not a blade or anything…” he mumbled._

_Niki stood up suddenly, startling the young teen. She walked into the back before coming back with a box of bandages. She sat in front of him again, peeling back a large bandage and moving to place it on one of the deeper scratches on the boy’s forearm. He flinched back, bringing his arms to his chest. Niki looked up at the teen, staring at the boy’s purple eyes._

_“Please let me help you…”_

Feelings were swarming her head, emotions conflicted, she didn’t know how to feel about the sudden death of the admin.

There were many questions, those of which are never to be answered…

She knew that…

So, why did it hurt so bad…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates should come frequently but i am still in school so... idrk, but i love you all! and  
> if any CC's are uncomfortable with this work it will be taken down immediately!!!!!   
> Any and all comments are appreciated <3


	2. What about the rest of us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone held a small amount of sadness... it affected them, even in their own home.

Sometimes you just needed a break from the confusion.

What was the point of all this?

Wasn’t Dream the bad guy?

Where did everyone go?

Was everyone’s real feelings towards the guy, showing?

The translucent figure looked down at his hands.

Did everyone feel this way when he died? He really didn’t know.

As he sat atop one of the large buildings in New L’Manberg, the brunette was left to think about all of what had happened.

Then, an idea came to his mind. He quickly found his way from the roof to the ground, then running as fast as he could on his dissipated legs, only stopping when he heard voices coming from a certain house.

“You know you can’t stay here for long…”

“Yeah, I know, but I still want to be there for the funeral at least.”

The ghost man smiled and made his way to the front door of the house of which he heard the familiar voices. He knocked once, twice and before he could knock a third time the door was pulled open slowly, ocean blue eyes met hazy brown ones.

“Oh, hello Wil- Ghostbur, need anything?” the man asked

“I was just thinking,” the ghost stated happily

“what if Dream comes back as a ghost? Just like I did!” The door was suddenly ripped open, revealing another figure.

The ghost happily smiled at the man adorned in a pig mask, surprising the latter a bit before he shook it off

“Where did you come back at?” the usually monotone voice held a small bit of worry as he questioned the ghost hurriedly. “Uhm…” the ghost closed his eyes and rubbed his temples as he thought. “I remember somewhere… with a lot of trees… I think?” he ended

“The spawn!” the elder realized “If he is going to come back…he would most likely come from the spawn.”

The oldest of the two siblings then grabbed his trident and a water bucket, ready to propel himself to the spawn. He only paused when his brother stopped him.

“I think it would be best if only I went to check…”

The man in the pig mask stood still for a moment, contemplating. He sighed before setting his trident down, “Okay…” The translucent man smiled and turned to his father

“I will be on my way now!”

“Okay, but if he isn’t there, wait a bit, then come back home.” The elder sadly smiled “Bring him back here if he’s there, but only if he wants” the brunette nodded. And turned back out of the door. Starting towards the spawn.

………………

He ducked under a low-hanging spruce branch, the leaves barely brushing his beanie.

He then saw a small cobblestone wall, he walked more slowly now, being sure to not disturb anything in the surrounding area.

He climbed up the wall with little effort, being a ghost had its benefits, he stood still atop the wall, looking for any movement, waiting patiently.

There was nothing but silence as the sun started to rise higher into the sky, a set of low oranges drifting across the sky.

He sat for multiple hours, almost losing sense of time.

After another hour longer he stood up, sighing as he turned around to leave. He turned around one last time, the beautifully tall trees had the sun’s rays peeking through the tree-tops, trying to crawl their way through to get reach the soft forest grass, littered in ferns and small flowers – with the occasional berry bush – with foxes and rabbits scurrying about.

He sighed again before slipping off the cobblestone wall, heading back to New L’Manberg.

< … >

Sometimes, you do things you don’t want to do…

Things you thought you’d never have to do…

He held his head in his hands, eyes bolted shut, his bottom lip was caged between his teeth.

He sat in the dining room, elbows resting on the table, feet tucked under the chair he was sitting in.

He hated that…

Every part of it…

Every **goddamn** part of it…

He ran his hands through his hair a few times, plucking a few strands he felt were out of place, the black threads floating down to the table. He brought his head out of his hands and took a deep breath, his eyes immediately fell onto the bloodied blade on the table.

The, almost, dried blood gleamed in the bright light of the many lanterns hanging around the place. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought of the dead body of his friend, gagging at the remembrance of when his best friend had pulled the sword out of the man’s chest.

He stood up quickly, the sound of the chair legs scraping the floor rang throughout the mansion, his hand held over his mouth as he ran over to the kitchen sink.

As soon as his head was held over the sink he threw up, the bile in his throat all rushing out, the burning sensation flaring up, traveling from his stomach to the tip of his nose. He held his stomach with one hand, the counter supporting most of his body weight as he leaned over into the large sink, more of his dinner from last night coming back up and being forced out of his mouth.

He heard footsteps somewhere in the house and then the slam of the front door sounded. The sound of a certain voidling’s voice rang through his head. He broke into a coughing fit as panic inflicted him, he really didn’t want his best friend to see him like this, fresh tears flowed down his face at the thought.

“Skeppy? Where are you?” the voidling called out.

Another round of bile rushed up in his throat as soon as he opened his mouth to answer.

“Skeppy?!” his best friend yelled out, worry filling his voice. He heard footsteps coming up behind him.

“Oh, my goodness, Skeppy? Are you okay?!” he said as he rushed up behind the younger. The latter breathed deeply as he turned to face the other, his pure, white eyes were clouded with worry, one of his hands were resting on the small of his back, the other was gripping the edge of the counter, twitching as he didn’t know what to do with it.

“Skeppy what happened? Are you okay? Do you need water—” he was cut off as the other shoved his hand into the others face

“Calm down… I’m fine, just got a little nauseous all of a sudden…” he mumbled out, feeling light-headed. He breathed heavily, wiping the stray tears from his eyes.

“Do you need help with anything? Actually, I’m going to go grab a cup of water. Sit down and just breathe, unless you feel like you’re going to throw up again, then— “

“Bad! I got it, now please go get me some water…” the younger interrupted. Bad nodded and rushed off in a hurry towards the barrel that held the water bottles.

The dark-haired boy sat back down at the table and laid his head down in the crook of his arms. Sweat rolled down his face, making some pieces of hair stick to his forehead. Bad trotted up behind him, holding a water bottle and an icepack wrapped in a towel. The elder picked the younger’s head up, combing his hair back and holding the palm of his hand to his forehead.

“You have a fever, it’s very mild but it’s definitely there. So here,” he held the icepack to the latter’s head,

“hold this there for 10 minutes.” He then grabbed the damp towel and patted the sides of the younger’s mouth, and then all around his face. The dark-haired boy leaned into the touch, the coolness of the towel feeling good against his heated skin.

“So… how did this nausea start?” the older questioned, his tail swaying behind him.

“I…I don’t really know…I was just thinking about uh- D-Dream’s body and the- the- the sword…” the other stuttered out, not really wanting the memories to come back up into his mind. The elder hummed in approval, blinking back tears at the memory of his dead best friend.

“I’m sorry Skeppy… I think we both need to just take a shower and get a good night’s sleep…”

“Yeah… and don’t be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for.” The other replied, shaking his head, though the action made his head spin.

“I’m gonna go take a shower…” he mumbled before standing up, but he almost immediately collapsed, another feeling of dizziness and nausea washed over him

“Skeppy!” Bad got up and looped his arm around the slightly shorter male

“you little muffin, be careful!” The latter just laughed as Bad helped him to the bathroom.

Sometimes you just needed someone to take care of you…

Sometimes you just needed someone to care…

< … >

Other times, you just need to let your walls down…

The man stepped into his bunker; the place that usually felt like home, didn’t feel like home anymore…

He felt sluggish, and he knew he looked sluggish too.

The bag that was slung across his shoulder felt as if it held 8 anvils, it was weighing him down. He stopped in front of a half-full double chest, tugging the heavy bag over his head and setting it down on the ground, him following in suit.

He legs were bent, feet on the ground in front of him, he rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

He slowly peeled his mask off, pushing this hair from his face, he sighed.

An overwhelming feeling of self-doubt welled up in his chest, it made his throat tighten, his eyes formed tears that begged to spill over, he couldn’t breathe…

‘What is happening?’ His brain was rushing with thoughts, trying to find what is wrong, but some thoughts were a lot louder than others…

**‘What if people would be happier without you too?’**

**‘Ha-ha! You’re so alone… nobody cares about you…’**

**‘Look how empty your stupid bunker is, nobody even wants you here!’**

He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from his head.

His breathing accelerated, making his breaths too little and too far between. His calloused hands started to shake, and a few stray tears found themselves rolling down his face.

He came to the realization that he was having a panic attack. He has never had one before, but he has seen others have one.

Although he doesn’t know how to counter it, leaving him to rot in his own thoughts and feelings. He tries to steady his breathing, the effort soon falters after another wave of weakness consumes him.

The man’s tanned, muscular arms now felt as if they were too heavy, like they were going to break his bones, although the thoughts made them feel like they were too small, too frail, that he needed to be stronger (despite being one of the strongest on the server.)

He felt lightheaded, he felt sick.

The sound of his automatic door sounded, and his head got swarmed with new thoughts

**“Someone is about to see how weak you are!”**

**“Fucking idiot! Look how stupid you look!”**

**“Can’t even get over a tiny panic attack, what a wimp”**

**“Now everyone is going to know how truly stupid and weak you are”**

**“Look at you… you’re so pitiful, you should just—”**

“Sam?” A high-pitched voice cut off his thoughts.

Suddenly he was staring into frightened bright blue eyes. He was scared, this person was going to see him at his lowest point… he was going to be judged… they were gonna tell everyone just how weak he was.

“Sam what is going on?” The brunette was able to recognize the voice… Antfrost.

‘Ant was a friend, right? He wouldn’t tell anyone. He is a good guy. Right?’

“I-I think I’m having a-a panic attack” he stuttered out, trusting Ant, trusting that he wasn’t going to judge him.

Ant’s face softened into that of a face of realization, his cat ears perking up a bit.

“Okay, okay… you’re alright okay, I’m right here,” His voice was gentle, though Sam couldn’t remember a time where it wasn’t.

“Okay…” Sam mumbled as more tears trickled down his face.

“Is it okay if I sit next to you?” Ant’s voice almost lulled him into a calmer state,

“Yeah…yeah, _please_ …” The 24-year-old said, as the voices screamed at him for sounding needy.

The cat-hybrid slowly scooted his way over to Sam’s side.

“Look, I know a lot is going on in your head right now, but can you breathe for me? Here,” Ant paused to scoot himself more in front of the taller male before continuing, “watch my breathing and then follow along, okay?” Sam slowly nodded, the words taking a second to simmer in his brain. Ant took a deep breath, his furry chest puffing up, then he let it out slowly. He repeated the action and Sam tried to follow along, his lungs thanking him for the air.

After around 5 more minutes of controlled breathing, Ant smiled at the other,

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked. Sam took a second to think, bringing his hands away from his face, wait…his face! Sam stumbled back a bit, looking around for his mask.

Ant’s smile fell, being replaced with a look of concern as the other male scrambled backwards. Sam finally spotted his mask and lunged for it, taking a minute to secure it around his face before turning back to Ant. The latter looking concerned and confused, sitting with his legs crossed in front of him.

“…What was that about?” he questioned. Sam froze,

“I, uh, I have never shown anyone my face before…” He mumbled. Ant’s eyes widened a bit, a look of realization coming across his face.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t really get a good look at you, besides, I won’t judge you based on how you look.” The boy’s whiskers twitched. Sam still didn’t move, his muscles were sore, but his crying had stopped, and his breathing slowed.

He sighed and leaned back, his back meeting the cold floor.

“Sam?” the man in question hummed, not moving,

“Do you have a bed or couch or something comfortable that you can sleep on?” the other’s tail swished as he glanced around for anything that Sam could rest on.

“Well I do have a bed, but I don’t really feel like moving, the floor is comfy enough” Sam mumbled out.

“Fair enough,” Ant huffed, joining him, laying back on the floor.

The two sat there for a long time, falling immediately into a comfortable silence.

“Hey Ant?” The man in question hummed in response

“How are you so good at helping people through panic attacks?” Sam sat up, looking at the male who was still laying on the floor.

“Well, I have been through many panic attacks before, so I know how to deal with them.”

“Oh…” Sam laid back down “Okay…that makes sense…” Ant laughed, “You sound exhausted” Sam closed his eyes, “I am… crying takes it out of me…” This time, Ant sat up, looking over at the man in the creeper mask. The latter just stared at the ceiling.

“How about you go lay down on that bed over there, I bet it’s way more comfortable then the floor” Ant said, a glint of hope in his voice. Sam didn’t respond immediately, thinking about how awfully tired he was but also the fact that he didn’t want to worry his friend.

“M’kay…” he said slowly sitting up and grabbing Ant’s awaiting hand. The boy’s whiskers twitched as he smiled, leading him the other over to the bed. He pulled the covers back, Sam slumping onto his shoulder, his height making him still tower over Ant. Sam slowly sat down onto the bed, swinging his legs up onto the soft blanket.

His legs were so heavy… why were they so heavy? Ant tucked him in, the warmth of the blanket making him realize how cold he was. Ant turned away for a second, most likely to grab something, but Sam whimpered.

“Please don’t leave me, please, not yet…” Sam called out, his shoulders tensed, still not being able to move due to him being so exhausted. Ant turned back to him, ocean blue eyes gleamed,

“I didn’t plan on it, I was just grabbing a chair.” He smiled sadly. Sam hummed in response, relaxing his muscles.

“…-n you take m-…”

“What?”

“Can you take my mask off, please?” he asked Ant paused at his words before slowly moving to gently pull the mask off the man’s face. He stared for a moment at the face in front of him. The man’s brown hair fell over his face, some strands sticking to his forehead. There was even some glimmers of green in his hair. He was also met with beautiful blue/ green eyes that gleamed in the light of the shroomlights dotted around the bunker. His tan skin was soft and smooth aside from the few scars across his right cheekbone. Ant smiled at the latter, sitting down in the chair he pulled over to him previously.

“Thank you for trusting me with something like that,” he whispered as Sam closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“Well, it’s the least I could do… you did just save me from a panic attack,” Sam mumbled out, his words stating to slur together.

“Thank you… for everything…” the brunette whispered to the hybrid before drifting off into the void of sleep. Ant stayed there for a bit after the brunette fell asleep, making sure that he was going to stay asleep.

But before long, the cat stood up, grabbed his small satchel that he brought along with him and prayed that the Redstone door wouldn’t be loud enough to wake up the sleeping figure.

After he was outside, he looked up at the morning sky and sighed.

Tears that were building up finally broke loose, slipping down his cheeks, his ears were droopy, and his tail hung low. He cried, and cried, waiting for the tears to stop falling. He knew Dream for a long time, longer then most of the people on the server. He wondered how Bad and Skeppy were taking it, or how Sapnap and George felt. His mind even drifted to how Dream’s little brother and husband were holding together. Although he wasn’t close to the final two, he knew that they were definitely people who were affected the worst.

He sighed, taking a deep breath, filling his lungs with cool air then releasing it back into the atmosphere around him. He knew he needed to be there for his friends. So, evidently, he takes small steps towards the nether portal that stands just outsides Sam’s house.

He was gonna try and help as best he could…

Before he helps himself…

That’s just the kind of person he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day? POG


	3. Memories and wondering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They thought back to the older days, the better days..

They sat in the small meadow, picking flowers with the two boys that sat there quietly conversing amongst each other.

The smaller brunette sat with his head resting on the taller blonde’s shoulder, the latter had his head rested on the brunettes.

The elder of the trio sat on a dark oak bench watching the two boys, they begun making their flower crown again, tucking another cornflower between a poppy and an oxeye daisy.

She smiled contently as the boys giggled to themselves, though she didn’t know what they were laughing at, it was nice to hear the boy’s hushed laughter.

It was just like the old days.

After they were finished with their flower crown they stood up and walked over to the boys.

“I’m gonna head back to New L’Manberg now,” She said to them as the teens turned to her, she could now see that they both had tears in their eyes.

“Okay, see you later Eret.” The brunette boy said to the elder, a small smile on his face. The blonde sent a half-hearted wave before looking back to the forest near the lake.

“See ya’” was all he said.

Eret turned on their heel after ruffling both of the boy’s hair, earning a giggle from Tubbo and a groan and a mumbled protest from Tommy.

Eret sighed as soon as he was out of earshot of the teens, she knew that they were both suffering, and she hated it. She helped raise the boys, whenever Dream was away and before Wilbur joined onto the server. Tubbo and Tommy were like her little brothers and she cared for them more than anybody.

............................

_They watched as the boys ran in the field, the taller, lankier one swung his wooden sword in the smaller boy’s direction, the latter tripping backwards, causing the other to topple over onto him, both of them laughing their hearts out. The one watching over them had the biggest smile on their face as they watched the two boys play._

_Dream, Sapnap, George, Punz, Ponk, Bad, and Alyssa had all gone on a mission to the nether, back when there was still a ton of unexplored territory. This left Eret, Tommy, Tubbo, Purpled, and Callahan being the only ones in the overworld. The three children were only 6 at the time, Eret had been somewhere around 16, maybe a bit younger (they couldn’t remember) and no one knew how old Callahan was, but he was very mature, despite being mute._

_Eret had volunteered to watch over the three boys. Dream thanked them and told the boys to behave, to which Tommy stuck out his tongue, Tubbo shouted an ‘okay’, and Purpled nodded lazily with a bored look on his face._

_After that, the two youngest boys grabbed wooden swords and ran to the center of the meadow and started to duel each other. Purpled walked alongside Eret as they both walked along the tree line of the meadow. Eret enjoyed the younger boy’s company, even though he was quiet most of the time._

_They both eventually caught up to the other two children who were still sparring in the field, laughing and having the time of their life. Purpled pulled a book out of the oversized hoodie that George had sewn him (the brit had a closer connection to the hazelnut-blonde then the other two children). The boy then walked over to a low-hanging branch, climbing onto it and leaning back against the trunk, peacefully reading his book. Eret smiled at him, glad that he could finally see all the boys looking so happy and relaxed._

_It had only been around 10 months since Tommy and Tubbo had been found, they were found out in the winter when it was cold, Tommy was standing in front of Tubbo protectively, screaming at Dream, George, and Sapnap to get away from them both. As soon as they were back home and had met the rest of the server, everyone instantly knew that they were soulmates. They did everything together, and nobody stopped them, because once one was pulled away from the other, they both seemed to lose their spark. Like a part of them was ripped away. And in a way part of them was. So, everybody silently agreed to never separate them._

_It was around 5 months later when Purpled was taken in. Punz had caught the kid trying to steal some supplies from his house, though the first time Punz caught him, the kid was able to get away again. Punz had told everyone that the kid was very agile and hard to get ahold of, he said that the kid was also fast and vigilante. This made everyone be on the lookout. But in the next week, Ponk had caught the kid stealing his armor and was able to tie the 6-year-old up, with the help of Dream who had been visiting for the night. The kid almost got away again because he found a way to cut the ropes off him and almost knock Ponk out but that’s when Dream was able to calm the blonde down._

_Dream had taken care of the kid for about a week before Purpled had actually started to trust him, it took about 3 months for the hazelnut-blonde to trust anyone else. The similarities between Dream and Purpled were almost scary, they both had dirty blonde hair, the same tan complexion, and George said that the kids face had looked like an almost exact replica of Dream’s, with freckles littering both of their cheeks._

_The only thing that set them apart was their eyes. Dream’s eyes had a deep emerald green under shade with a bright green hue._

_Purpled’s eyes were a magnificent dark magenta undertone with a vibrant purple front. The boy’s eyes made everyone stop in their tracks the first time they saw them._

_Hell, it even took Eret aback even though they had pure white eyes._

_From then on, Purpled was known as Dream’s little brother, though he was also seen as a brother towards Tommy and Tubbo._

_The three boys had almost immediately cliqued. Though Purpled was secretly very scared and skeptical of hanging around kids his age. Though he had gotten used to Tubbo and Tommy’s childish antics, eventually he even joined in on them._

_The older people of the server soon figured out that Purpled never really never got to enjoy childhood, he was also never showed any sort of affection as a young child. Tommy and Tubbo took it upon themselves to show Purpled what having a childhood was like, and they were pretty good at it too._

_Eret walked over to the boy who was peacefully reading in the tree. Upon seeing them walk over, the young boy marked his page and closed the book, his eyes meeting Eret’s. The latter smiled, pushing up their signature black sunglasses._

_“Hey kiddo, why don’t you go spar with the other two?” she asked the boy, who merely shrugged_

_“I don’t wanna accidentally hurt one of them I guess.” He responded, though there was a tinge of sadness in his voice. Eret sent a knowing smile towards the boy,_

_“that’s understandable,” she said turning back to look at the boys in the meadow who were now chasing after each other with their wooden swords out in front of them. Purpled sighed then opened his book again, ignoring the pain in his chest._

_“You know you can still play with them, right? You can just ask them to play something else.” Eret suggested. Purpled tensed and pulled his knees into his chest, a visual act of nervousness._

_“Well they seem like they are having fun right now, I don’t wanna ruin that…” he said, sounding very calm and laid back, despite how nervous he looks on the outside. Eret looked at him skeptically, the kid’s eyes never met his though. He did look up though when two pairs of loud footsteps and hushed laughter were approaching them. The two other boys ran up to Eret and Purpled panting and out of breath, though they were both laughing._

_“Purpled! Wanna play hide n seek with us?!” Tubbo shouted at the older boy, making him flinch backwards at the loud tone._

_He scrunched his nose, “You don’t have to yell like that,” Purpled paused to pull at his left ear, but then he shrugged and hopped down from the tree, almost tripping but catching himself. “but sure, sounds…fun.” He sighed, giving a half-smile, half-smirk to the other two boys._

_He then looked towards Eret and held out his book,_

_“Can you hold this for me, please?” he asked, a neutral expression on his face._

_Eret obliged and took the book from the boy’s hand and put it in their bag that was resting on the ground. Eret smiled as they watched the boys run off and play, Purpled was warming up to the other two boys even more now, he had even began to show more emotion with the two, laughing just as hard as the two boys when Tommy had face planted into the ground while running away from Purpled, Tubbo being a bit behind them but seeing the whole thing play out._

_At one point the hazelnut-blonde had laughed so hard that he had begun to snort, Tommy and Tubbo had looked at each other with looks of pride and shock on their face, they were proud of themselves for breaking the other blonde out of his shell._

....................................

Eret smiled at the thought, they missed when their world wasn’t war plagued.

When kids could be kids without having to fear for their life, or without having to suffer with loneliness.

Needless to say, they missed a lot of things, but everyone one the server did at that moment. Though they weren’t there for the actual death of Dream, they had heard about it from Ponk and Niki.

What is happening to this server…?

< … >

He stepped out of his house, waving a goodbye to his son as he flew through the air, trident in hand. He let out a sigh, wondering how long his other son would take to check the spawn.

When something moved in his prefrail vision, it caught his eye. He turned to see that the door to one of New L’Manberg’s houses had opened, a certain fox had stepped out, posture looking horrible as he was slumped over with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

The winged man slowly made his way over to his grandson, the latter looking towards the pond under the nation.

“Hey Fundy, how are you feeling?” the blonde man asked.

“Like utter shit…” the other let out a breathy laugh. The elder frowned,

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to tell you…” dull chocolate brown eyes met caring ocean blue ones.

“I- I have to take care of his brother Phil… the poor kid… the kid doesn’t deserve that… I need to—” He rambled off as tears started to slip down his face.

“I-I don’t know what to do anymore… I lost the only one that I truly loved…” he started to break down into just nonsense rambling and broken hiccups.

Phil steadily opened his arms and the other fell into the embrace, melting against Phil’s strong frame. He started to comb his hand through the other male’s fur on the top of his head.

“It’s going to be okay, the kid is strong, you’ll both be okay, I promise, but right now you just have to breathe, okay?” Fundy just started to cry harder, gripping onto Phil’s long robe. Phil’s eyes held tears that he inevitably tried to blink away, his grandson had lost so much in his life, too much, and he still was trying to pick himself up to care for his dead husband’s little brother. An idea then came to Phil’s head.

“How about I go visit Purpled… you need some time to yourself to rest,” Phil whispered, and Fundy hesitated for a few moments before deciding that Phil’s suggestion was best, for himself and Purpled. Fundy pulled away and looked into Phil’s eyes,

“Thank you…” he said, earning him a small, heart-felt smile. The fox then walked inside, laying on the couch that was in the middle of the room, wrapping himself up in the blanket and letting more tears fall.

Phil shut the door and started walking towards where he thought the teen’s house was. He faintly remembered seeing the teen walking around the edge of the lake near New L’Manberg. He stepped through two buildings and grinned as he saw a small hut in the distance, sitting next to a mountain. He traveled down the hill, his wings assisting him a bit at the steeper parts. He looked at the boy’s large field of potatoes, sighing as he remembered his eldest’s addiction to the tan vegetable.

He walked up to the front of the hut and froze when he heard a crash that came from the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliff hanger?????


	4. Oh Dream...

He couldn’t see anything…

it’s too _bright_ …

It’s so _loud_ …

why can’t everything just be _quiet_ …

“Shut up… shut up, shut **UP**!”

He threw his dresser down, the flowerpot on top shattering on the floor.

More tears slipped down his face as his legs gave out, his knees buckling and his body landing on the floor, his hands flew to his ears as the sound of the pot breaking rang throughout his head.

His head was pounding, and he couldn’t breathe.

Everything is _fucking_ _crumbling_ before his eyes.

The only person that truly cared about him is gone… he’s _gone_!? He cried out, his voice becoming hoarse as he gasped for air, more tears flowing down his face.

He **_hated_ **it.

As the tears flowed, he wiped them away furiously, the tears were too salty and hugged his face too tightly, they were too warm, and they made his face itchy, he _hated_ it.

Suddenly, his whole world came to a screeching halt when two strong arms wrapped around his back and shoulders, a rough hand placed on the back of his head as it pushed his body forward into a strong and comforting embrace, it’s like he was moving in slow motion, he felt paralyzed, he couldn’t move his arms or his legs.

His eyes slowly opened, taking notice of who was hugging him as two grey angel-looking wings were extended from his back.

A warm feeling flooded his chest.

Was this his brother?

Was he back as a ghost like Wilbur?

Did he still care about him…?

“Dream?” The person stiffened,

“No, not quite kid… not quite…” a heavy accent filled the man’s words.

“oh…”

The teen just clung to the person harder, melting into the adult’s strong frame. “okay…”

Someone… someone else, _cares_? He laughed a bit, letting an absolutely broken smile settle on his face.

< … >

Phil hugged the boy in his arms closer to him as the teen let out a pained laugh.

Phil saw the look in the boy’s eyes when he had first embraced him, and it hurt the elder to know that he unintentionally lured him into a false sense of hope with his wings.

The kid was so distraught… his whole body shaking as he melted into the other’s touch.

“I’m so sorry kid…” he whispered, barely audible, but the frail one in his arms still heard it. The latter just started to cry harder, eventually the sobs from the poor boy led to a few tears tearing away from the elder’s eyes as well.

They stayed like this for a while, Phil only moving once to be rested against the wall of the room. It took a while for the boy to stop shaking… the feeling of his sensory overload finally dissipating, leaving only room for tears in its wake. But eventually the tears also stopped, leaving him feeling drained and his head blank, no longer clouded with emotions.

All he could really feel was the forever-warm embrace of the strong man holding his pathetic frame in his arms.

He hated himself for this, but he couldn’t find enough energy to even _care_.

He hasn’t felt cared about in so long. It was a nice feeling if he was being completely honest.

Although he was still broken, invisible cracks covering his body, all coming from the gaping hole in his heart, and he didn’t know how to fill it…

**……………………**

_Even as a kid he was never really shown any type of affection._

_He was raised in the Bedwars arena, left in one of the lobbies by his parents at the age of 2._

_Apparently, his parents had been Bedwars champions and they had run away from the arena after having him. This left him to pay for their debt._

_He didn’t know if they were dead or alive, he kind of hoped for the former though._

_The mods and admins of the lobby took care of him until he was around the age of four before he decided to wander off, finding himself at the newly built portal to the ‘Dream SMP’. A new server that had sprung up, but only people that had been whitelisted could join, luckily the admins had always been talking about coding around him, not knowing that he was actually way smarter then he let on, he was able to somehow find a way to hack into the server without needing an invitation._

_Inevitably he found himself in the middle of the woods, surrounded by forest life, he just lived off the land then for about a year before finding the others that lived on the server, and sneaking into their houses and stealing supplies and food._

_He did this for about 4 months before he was caught by Dream. Dream had cared for him and taught him even more about PvP, the admins had always let him watch some of the Bedwars games and he, obviously, had picked up some skills from there._

_He was Dream’s little brother, he was happy, he was content, they never really fought, only play fighting._

_But old roots had come back to haunt him._

_One of the Bedwars assassins had come to his home, hacking into the server and threatening to kill the 8-year-old if he didn’t finish off his parent’s debt that they left behind._

_So, he found himself back at the hidden servers of Bedwars, some of the old admins and mods had seen him, happiness flooding their faces until they learned the real reason he was here. The young boy had undeniably, to everyone’s surprise, dominated the Bedwars lobbies, making his way onto the leaderboards at the age of 10. All the while somehow managing to keep it a secret from his older brother and the rest of his friends, sneaking off in the dead of night to teleport himself to the next location of the ‘underground servers’. He had even made some new friends along the way, including a man who was able to take the kid under his wing, the same man that Purpled would grow up to run to whenever he didn’t want to be on the SMP anymore, the man who was almost like an older brother, even though he could never give the title to anybody else but Dream._

_Dream and Purpled had never gotten into any real fights before, that was until he was able to figure out where the kid had been running off to all this time._

_…_

_Today had been a particularly rough day of rounds, unfortunately there was a large group of very strong level 1000’s walking around causing havoc, and GamerBoy80 and Purpled had been lucky enough to get 5 of them in a matter of 1 and a half hours, so he left a little bit later due to having more wounds for the mods and medics to patch up. Plus, the fact that 80 was starting to get more mom-like by the second, due to Purpled getting hurt so much, he had even threatened to tell Dream because he wasn’t letting the medic’s bandage all of his wounds thoroughly._

_So, he found his way back to the SMP, walking back home, covered in bandages that blood was already starting to seep into. He made his way up his elevator into his home getting ready to just crash into his comfy bed-_

_“Where the hell were you?”_

_“Uh…I was just hanging out with Ponk—”_

_“Bullshit.”_

_“What?”_

_Dream’s white mask gleamed in the light coming from the top of the UFO._

_“I’m going to ask you again… where the hell were you?” Dream spat._

_The 15-year-old was frozen in fear and shock, he had never heard Dream this angry before…_

_“I-I was hanging out with some other friends on another server.” He said, it wasn’t a complete lie…_

_“Oh yea?” Dream paused to stand up, walking towards Purpled, the latter backing up slowly._

_“Then how come,” he pulled out his communicator, flipping to his private messages and Purpled’s stomach dropped_

_“I got a message from this ‘GamerBoy80’ telling me that my little brother was on a… Hypixel server and he thought I should know?” Purpled felt tears form in his eyes, of course 80 would tell Dream, 80 would always start getting worried after rounds like that, but did he really have to tell Dream?_

_“I-it was only for a little bit—” Purpled started_

_“A little bit?! Purpled look at yourself?!” Purpled knew he looked like shit, bandages wrapped around his thigh and calf, his hands covered in bandages, more of them were littering his cheekbones._

_But Dream had screamed at him, the sound rang through his head, a pounding headache coming on. His hands flew to his ears as a tear went down his face._

_“Why are you lying?! You know that is illegal?! Its been illegal for the longest time Purpled!” Dream continued, getting louder and louder as the screaming went on._

_“How long have you been playing?! Huh?! Are you even listening to me?!” Dream turned back to Purpled who was now curled in a ball on the floor, silently pleading that Dream would stop._

_And suddenly his bandages were too itchy, his tears too wet, his hoodie too small, his life felt like it was crumpling in his hands._

_Dream hated him._

_The words echoed in his head._

_He then felt hands on his own, they were too warm… he scrambled backwards, his legs kicking out at Dream, trying to get away from him as more tears rushed down his face, his breathing quickened._

_Dream didn’t know what was going on. His little brother had never acted like this before, sure Dream was mad, but he still cared about his brother, but how could he help if he kept on getting pushed away. He moved to sit in front of his brother._

_He made a quick move to wrap his arms around the teen’s back, pulling him into the elder’s lap and holding him close. Purpled was shaking as he was brought into Dream’s embrace._

_He couldn’t move…_

_Why was Dream hugging him?_

_He knew he looked pathetic, but he couldn’t find the energy to care._

_Dream knew his biggest secret…_

_Instead of fighting back he moved his hands from his ears, wrapping them around his older brother. Only now did he hear the quiet whispers of apologies coming from the person underneath him._

_“I-I’m sorry, Dream…” the elder placed a hand on the back of the teen’s head, pulling the teen even closer to his body._

_“No, no, no, I- I shouldn’t have lashed out like that… I’m sorry…” The two sat there for a while, Purpled cradled in Dream’s arms._

_Neither moved, neither needed to._

.....................

He was brought back down to earth with the remembrance of his brother holding him just like how Phil is now.

He then slowly took his hands off his ears, lazily wrapping them around Phil’s torso,

“Thank you…”

“… you’re welcome kid…”

Now suddenly hating the silence… the teen decided to break it.

“Did you know that I am number 4 on the Solo Bedwars leaderboards?” Phil seemed a bit taken aback by the confession, knowing how dangerous the Bedwars tournaments were, and that it was highly illegal.

“Really? I remember when Techno always used to sneak away to play that game, he even got the highest win streak of all time. Did you know that?” Phil let out a little giggle. Purpled lifted his head up a bit, dull violet eyes met deep, sky blue ones.

“I actually remember seeing him when I was younger… like 8 or 9…” Phil just smiled at him,

“Sounds about right. He would always come home all beaten up, saying something along the lines of ‘he was having fun’.” The teen nodded and laid his head back on Phil’s shoulder.

“I was forced to play it… my parents were Bedwars players, but they left me in one of the lobbies to take up their debt while they ran away, I was 1 or 2. That’s when I found my way into the SMP where Dream had adopted me.” The dirty blonde sighed. The elder frowned but before he could say anything the teen continued.

“They found me on the SMP when I was 8, an assassin, hired by the higher-ups to find me and threaten me. I wasn’t scared, I acted like I was though…” the teen let out an empty giggle. “As soon as I entered the lobby I grew up in, the admins and mods were all over me, asking me how I was and how I got away. It was almost funny to me… so I went and played what I was born to do… I guess…” Phil just hummed, though rage crawled up his throat.

**…**

A knock was heard from downstairs.

Phil didn’t move, for he didn’t want to wake the sleeping boy in his arms.

Light footsteps were heard coming up the stairs, a shorter figure appearing. The boy adorned in a suit that was a bit too large for him walked up the stairs, brown hair falling over his eyes.

Then another pair of heavy footsteps followed the brunette, a tall blonde emerged from the steps.

As the brunette realized the situation, his face softened, silently walking over to sit next to the winged man, Tommy stumbled in, a little awkward, but he looked to the dirty blonde, holding no pity in his eyes (most people would think that it’s a bit harsh for him to show no sadness for the teen, but he knew that Purpled would’ve been pissed to know that people were looking at him in pity) but Tommy truly did care for the older teen, for he was the closest thing he had to a true friend ( ~~therapist)~~ for quite a while, the teen listening to everything he had to say, aside from Tubbo, the brunette being more like a brother.

Tommy laid on Purpled’s bed, taking in the scent of the teen, the calming scent of after-rain and lavender, though a strong scent of cedar wood was also present. Tommy reminisced in the scent, missing the old days where kids could just be kids.

Tubbo eventually moved to sit next to Tommy, the former laying his head on Purpled’s pillow, taking in the smell of the older as well, scooting closer to the younger blonde.

Phil pushed himself upwards, his wings flapping a bit to help him, the two boys on the bed sat up a bit, moving to get out of his way. Phil just simply pushed the both of them down with his wings, setting the dirty blonde down on the bed, nestled between the two other teens.

The brunette instantly curling up next to the oldest teen, hugging his side, letting out a content sigh.

The youngest blonde hesitantly pulled Purpled to his chest, feeling an overwhelming burst of _needing_ to just protect the older teen.

“I’m so sorry…” they both mumbled to the boy.

Phil gave a small smile to the trio, turning back to the stairs to leave. A cool breeze found its way through an open window, ruffling the gray feathers of his wings, he turned to see a large spruce tree on a large cliff. But stood under it was a figure, one second he was there and in the blink of an eye he was gone.

Phil knew who it was… he knew.

The presence of him was everywhere, the older man felt it, and he was sure that a lot of other people did too.

Maybe even his brother felt it, but he knew the two other boys couldn’t feel it, most likely because they don’t want to feel it.

They wouldn’t try to feel the presence of someone who had manipulated them for so long, taking the things that they loved from them. Tommy and Tubbo were the two who had been hurt by the man the most, as some would say. But, for the most part, the two had each other. Their dirty blonde friend, however, did not.

He was alone.

There is no denying the fact that the kid was trapped… rotting inside the inescapable cell that he deemed his mind.

But what could Phil do? What could anyone do, really? All they could do was offer him as much caring gestures and kind words, but is that really what the kid needed? Anger seeped into the back of his mind,

‘What had the kid done to deserve being alone?’ Phil silently walked down the stairs after glancing back at the trio on the bed who were now beginning to drift off to sleep, their breathing slowed, and soft snores could be heard from the bed. He turned the corner, opened the door stepped out, and shut it behind him.

The sun peeked out from behind the morning clouds, the bright rays lighting up the field, the pond glimmering as if every single drop of water had a sparkle in it.

“Oh Dream… What have you done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! and i love every single one of you an i just wanted to let you know that you are cared for and a reminder to go drink some water! <3 -- Jupiter
> 
> ALSO do you guys think that i should write a story based on the Fae AU? because i have a good idea of what i want to do, it will most likely have many aspects of the story : A Dais at Daybreak by cordeliasept but it will be very different.
> 
> Please comment! i love reading them it inspires me to write more

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions for any AU's or stories i should make or think that i could write on PLEASEEEEE comment it
> 
> (or if i made any typo's, that is a pet peeve of mine lmao) anyway i love you <3
> 
> If you want go check out my new story! it is called 'Don't Wait, for Skies Will Fall in the meantime' the story won't be as angsty as this and is mainly Purpled, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Drista centric


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